


Cloud

by thesatanistauthor



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Depression, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, cute fluff, major trigger warning, mentions of depression, mentions of self harm, nico has a sister now apparently, probably not canon, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 23:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesatanistauthor/pseuds/thesatanistauthor
Summary: Depression was just one of the everyday obstacles that Levi Schmitt had to hurdle to survive. For the past couple of years, the cloud that followed him everywhere never changed; it stayed the same size, same shape. It never weighed any less or any more. To others, it was completely invisible. However, over the past few months, the cloud had begun to get darker. A lot darker. Levi tried to deny it all he could, but the truth would eventually show itself sooner or later.





	Cloud

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THIS NOTE!!!  
> I have a few things to say before you begin to read this. Mental health is an extremely important topic to me. As someone who suffers from an array of mental health issues, it was important for me to write this in a way that I could understand. This is loosely based off my own experiences with mental health. I am so thankful I have an incredible family who supports me through it all. I tried my best to write this as well as I could. 
> 
> That being said, if any of the stuff mentioned in the tags is a potential trigger for you, then please proceed with caution. I tried not to make this too cliche like typical fics are with mental health. SPOILER: there is a suicide scene later on in the story. 
> 
> Also, I do not actively watch Grey's, as mentioned before. I have seen odd episodes here and there but I have seen a lot of season 15. Schmico captured my heart in a way nothing has before. I see myself a lot in Levi, cliche I know, but also very true. I tried my best to include more characters this time. I hope I did it right. I am also not a doctor, nurse, surgeon or paramedic, so excuse any errors there may be.
> 
> Last, but not least, I care about you. All of you. Take this note as a sign not to bring harm to yourself. There are many people who care for you out there. There are people willing and ready to help at a moments notice. Life is a rollercoaster, it has many ups and many downs. Sometimes, the drop is longer than you wish. You just have to ride it out sometimes, with supportive people by your side. Please reach out to someone if you think of harming yourself or are thinking suicidal thoughts. I know this note has been long, but it is needed. Also, check up on your family and friends. Let them know you love them. Thank you, and enjoy the story.
> 
> Miss Satan x

Depression was just one of the everyday obstacles that Levi Schmitt had to hurdle to survive. For the past couple of years, the cloud that followed him everywhere never changed; it stayed the same size, same shape. It never weighed any less or any more. To others, it was completely invisible. However, over the past few months, the cloud had begun to get darker. A lot darker. Levi tried to deny it all he could, but the truth would eventually show itself sooner or later. 

Not even Levi's boyfriend of two years knew about the cloud. He didn't see why he should burden Nico with the constant worry about his own mental health. Nico had his own issues, his own worries. Levi would feel too guilty to rely on his partner to care for him. Not only that, they had the struggles and puzzles of their jobs. A job which impacted Levi's mental health seriously. Many times he had debated on taking a break, to see whether it would help. He even debated finding a therapist but wondered when he would ever have the time; his work schedule had been hectic recently. 

"Hey," Nico's concerned voice snapped Levi out of his trance, placing him back in the real world around him. How long he'd been gone, he didn't know. "You alright? You seem out of it."

"Uh, yeah. Just tired," Levi forced a smile, taking in a deep breath to calm his rushing mind. The hospital around him was flowing with people, the constant chatter drilling into his head. "Haven't had much sleep recently."

"Is that all, Levi? You look really pale." Nico stated, placing the chart he had down on the desk. He crossed his arms over his chest and rested his hip against the desk as he raised a brow at his boyfriend. Levi swallowed down the lump forming in his throat. 

"Yeah, promise. I'm okay." Again, Levi forced himself to smile, which only made him want to be sick. He hated lying to Nico- no, he  _loathed_  it. It made his stomach twist and knot in all sorts of crazy directions. 

Nico sighed. "How much more have you got to do today? You really look like you need a break. You're worrying me." 

 _You're worrying me_. The words echoed around Levi's empty mind, his heart aching at the words. That was the last thing he wanted Nico to worry about. After all, he said he was fine. Levi shrugged and let out a short sigh as he tugged down the sleeves of the shirt under his scrubs. He'd begun to wear t-shirts under his scrubs a lot more recently; it didn't make any sense to Nico, as it was still autumn and the weather was warm. It also confused him even more as Levi always tended to help in the OR.

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm fine, really." Levi let out a small, frustrated sigh as he looked around, watching the patients and staff pass by. Nico gave up trying to get his boyfriend to speak to him, he just assumed that he was in a mood. 

"Alright, but if something is wrong, you can talk to me. If you need me at any point, either let me know or get someone to come fetch me. Okay?" Nico grinned at his partner before pushing himself off of the desk and grabbing the chart. As he moved past Levi, he let his fingers brush against his partner's, smiling to himself at the little gesture.

Levi watched as Nico disappeared into the rush of the hospital, only to be left alone again. He just wanted to go home, he was tired and wanted to be alone for once. He wanted to clear his mind and be able to breathe again. Though that seemed virtually impossible with the amount of work he had recently, it never seemed to stop or calm down. 

Levi closed his eyes for a brief moment and took in a deep, calming breath. Only a few more hours and he could leave. If all went to plan, that is. All of a sudden, Levi remembered he had a surgery to assist with later. that meant he would have to take off his shirt from beneath his scrubs, which isn't something he wanted to do. Over the past few weeks, Levi had been trying to find ways in which he could calm himself. Unfortunately, the coping mechanism he had chosen wasn't a healthy one at that. It was a way he had used before, many years ago when he was a teen. It made him feel better, but at what cost?

The cost of mostly faded scars across his arms. He was thankful his skin healed quick and left little to no scar. It meant there were fewer questions asked. He had a few that were more noticeable than some but played them off to be childhood accidents, if anyone were to ask. Nico had never questioned him about it, which he was grateful for. 

Levi took another deep breath and pushed his hair back from his face before heading off to go find Link. He hated himself even more for forgetting that the surgery was with both Link and Nico- a knee replacement surgery. He was lucky to have been asked to scrub in on such an opportunity, but now he had to turn it down all because of his self-destructive behavior.

It took him a short while to find him but he found him standing and talking with Nico. Shit. There was no way he'd be able to get Link by himself without Nico wondering why. There was also no way he could just say it to Link right there and then because it would cause Nico to panic. The mere thought of it made his heart race and his chest burn. The world around him began to get blurry and his breathing became erratic. He had no idea what was happening to him, which only caused him to panic even more. 

"You're so lucky to have such a straight forward relationship with Levi. I, for the life of me, still can't figure out this thing with Meredith and DeLuca and I. It's been too long." Link chuckled, resting his elbow on the cart next to him. Nico rolled his eyes at his friend, still not able to believe that he had been chasing Meredith for so long. He glanced behind Link for a split second and spotted Levi stood in the corridor. Link could tell that something was happening behind him when Nico just lit up. 

"Speaking of Levi," Nico grinned widely, moving to walk past his friend. Link scoffed playfully and turned to look at where Levi was stood. He could tell something was wrong, Levi looked awful. He looked overly flustered and completely disoriented. Before Nico could even call out to his boyfriend, Levi collapsed to the ground with a thud. Thankfully the hallway wasn't too crowded, but the people around him gasped in shock. "Levi!"

Both Link and Nico sprinted over to Levi to help him, Link telling the people around him to back off and give him some space. They were all trying to gather round to see what had happened, their curiosity getting the better of them. Nico knelt down beside Levi's head, resting the back of his hand against Levi's forehead. 

"He's boiling," Nico breathed, glancing up to look at Link in front of him. "Is there any spare beds nearby? We need to get him out of this corridor." 

People around them were starting to mutter between themselves. Link got up from where he had been knelt and rushed off to see if he could find any available beds nearby. Nico stayed put, using his hand to brush the hair from Levi's head. He was beginning to come round already, but he was still hazy. He could hear the muttering of a crowd and could feel someone touching him, but that was about it. Nico's face was plastered with concern as he looked down at his partner. Soon enough, Link had returned with two other doctors to help get Levi somewhere quiet and safe. Nico didn't leave his side once as they moved Levi to the spare room they had acquired. 

When Levi finally fully came around, he was left confused and dazed by the whole situation. He wasn't where he was before; he was now in a dark room, the window slightly ajar to let a steady breeze in. His head was pounding and he let out a groan at the pain. It alerted Nico that his boyfriend was starting to wake. Levi raised his hand to rest it over his forehead, silently trying to will the pain away. He had no idea how long he had been out for. 

He felt a warm hand grab his free one, which startled him slightly. 

"Can you hear me?" Nico's voice was low and raspy. Levi managed to nod a little. "What happened out there, Levi? You scared the absolute hell out of me." 

Levi shrugged his shoulders, turning his attention to Nico, who was sat in a chair beside the bed. He managed to sit himself up, making himself a little comfier. Nico's thumb was grazing over the back of Levi's hand ever so gently. It made Levi feel a lot calmer than he was feeling before. 

"I can't," Levi started, his voice hoarse. He coughed to clear his throat, before trying again. "I can't really remember. I just remember getting really panicky."

"So you think you had a panic attack, maybe?" Nico asked, his brows knitted together in worry. Levi slowly nodded his head; it seemed like a reasonable answer. "What made you feel panicky?"

Levi didn't want to answer. He didn't want to tell Nico that he had made him panic because it seemed wrong. It made him seem like a horrible person. He tried to think of an excuse to use. "I guess I just didn't feel well and that made me anxious."

Levi went to run his hand through his hair, but stopped when he felt a searing pain shoot through the side of his head. He pulled his hand away briskly, unsure as to why that suddenly happened. Nico let out a quiet sigh as he watched Levi. He moved so he was now sat on the bed next to Levi, their fingers still tightly intertwined.

"You hit your head pretty hard when you fell. I'm surprised you didn't break your glasses," Nico managed a short chuckle before his face fell once again. "You cut your head open. It isn't bad, but it will hurt for a while. 

Levi felt so  _ashamed_. He felt like the world was crashing and burning around him. He felt humiliated and absolutely mortified about fainting in front of all those people. He wished Nico hadn't been there to witness it, because now Nico was worrying over his wellbeing. The door to the room clicked open to reveal Link, who managed a faint smile when he realized Levi was now awake. He stepped inside the room and kept the door open with his foot, his hands clasped together in front of him. 

"Nico, is it okay if I talk to Levi in private, please? There is something I need to talk to him about." Link seemed serious. The look in his eyes sent a wave of nerves coursing through Levi's system. He knew exactly what it would be about. Nico nodded and released Levi's hand from his own, giving him a forlorn smile before walking out the room, shutting the door behind him with a click. Link made his way over to Levi's bedside and sat in the chair Nico one resided in. 

"I have a feeling I know what this is about." Levi swallowed, taking in a deep, shaky breath. Link sighed and bowed his head for a second, before turning his attention back to Levi. 

"Really? Then would you like to tell me why I'm here?" Link spoke softly, gently urging Levi to talk. It would be best for Levi to mention it for himself, rather than having Link mention it. 

"My arm," Levi breathed, staring blankly into space as he answered. Simply uttering the words made tears well up in his eyes and a lump form deep in his throat. Shame was not the word to describe how he felt in that moment. Link hummed in response, leaning back in his chair. "It's not recent."

"That wasn't how it looked to me, Schmitt. They looked new. A week old at most. Does Nico know?" Link questioned, trying to keep his voice low. He was sure Nico would be waiting outside.

"NO!" Levi exclaimed, his eyes going wide as he turned his gaze to Link. The sudden shout almost made Link jump out of his chair. "No, he doesn't. I don't want him to know. Please, Link. Don't tell him."

"He's going to find out sooner or later, people always do. Either you tell him or he finds out. Which way do you think would hurt him more?" Link was right. Someday he would have to tell Nico about all of this. Some day the truth would have to come clean. Levi sighed in defeat. "Why would you do this to yourself, Levi?"

Levi was silent. He truly didn't have an answer, nor did he want to think about one. He felt pathetic and absent-mindedly tugged at his sleeves, so they were over his hands. He shifted how he was sat, his knees now pulled up to his chest. Link reached out to rest his hand on Levi's lower arm. The sudden touch made Levi flinch. 

"I'm worried, Levi. So is Nico. Have you got help?"

"I don't need help, I'm fine. It'll pass." Levi grumbled, his head turning to face the window at the back of the room. Link sighed. 

"I think it would be bene-"

"No, I said I'm fine. Plus, I have neither the time or money to afford to see someone. I've lasted this long by myself." Levi finished his sentence by burying his head in his knees, silently letting Link know that chatting was no longer on the table. He wasn't going to listen anymore. That man sure was stubborn at times. 

"Okay," Link mumbled, rising from where he sat. He made his way back over to the door and opened it, but paused just as he was about to leave. "I think it would be best if you take a break from work for a while. I'll let Nico know, as well as others. You need time to heal." 

The door clicked shut behind him, leaving Levi to his own thoughts. He was only becoming more of a burden as time passed. Not only to himself but to those around him too. Now, he couldn't even work. Life seemed to be playing its card against Levi in every possible fashion. Life was winning.

-

"You go and rest, you must be exhausted after today. If there is anything you need, let me know." Nico spoke as he shut the door behind them, kicking his shoes off by the front door and hanging his coat up. Levi removed his coat and hung it up as well, discarding of his shoes next to Nico's. 

Levi stayed silent as he watched Nico walk past him, into the kitchen. Levi silently followed behind him, his arms wrapped around himself. Nico glanced at Levi for a brief moment, shooting him a fond smile as he reached into the top cupboard to pull down two mugs. Levi tried his best to smile back but wasn't entirely sure if it worked or not. It felt more forced than he would ever care to admit. After all that had happened today at work, all he wanted to do was sleep. Yet, he felt too tired to do that. Which to him, seemed stupid, that he was too tired to even sleep. He didn't want to be alone either, so he stayed with Nico until his brain could calm and figure out what it wanted to do. 

Levi leaned against the counter top as he watched Nico make them both some tea. The two of them stayed silent as Nico worked. Levi had so many things he wanted to say and chat about but he just couldn't muster up the energy to do it. Nico eventually handed him one of the mugs with a smile. 

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Nico frowned, taking a sip from his tea, despite the fact it was still pretty much boiling hot. Levi shrugged and copied Nico, his glasses misting up from the steam of the tea. 

"My head hurts, that's all," Levi muttered just loud enough for Nico to catch. Still, Nico didn't quite believe his partner. He doubted what Levi told him. 

"Have I done something that's upset you?" Nico was straight forward with his question. 

"What?" Levi grimaced. "Of course not."

Nico took another sip of his tea before setting it down on the counter next to him. He shuffled over to Levi and carefully snaked his arms around his partner's waist, letting out a brief sigh. Levi placed his mug down on the counter behind him before letting himself relax in Nico's arms. He rested his head on Nico's chest, his arms tucked underneath him. Nico ever so gently swayed, which unsurprisingly made Levi feel a lot calmer. He took a moment to breathe and track back through the events of his day. He also took a moment to think about what Link had said to him. 

"Listen, I can tell you aren't feeling yourself recently, but no matter what, I am here for you. You can speak to me if you wish, I won't force you to," Nico mumbled, pressing a kiss into Levi's hair, tugging him closer to his chest. Nico was terribly worried about Levi's wellbeing. Levi could feel himself beginning to get upset. "I love you no matter what. I want to help you, Levi. Just let me in, please."

Nico rested his head on top on Levi's, trying his hardest not to become too emotional. That isn't what he wanted. All he wanted was to help Levi in whatever way it be. All he wanted was for Levi to be his normal, chatty self again. He wanted to hear him nerd on about all his favorite things, even though Nico had no idea what he was ever talking about. He wanted to hear him laugh so hard that he couldn't breathe and wanted to see him get excited about the smallest of achievements. Whatever happened though, he wasn't just going to abandon Levi and leave him alone and scared in the dark, all by himself. 

"I'm going to be okay," Levi finally piped up, though his voice was muffled. "I just need time."

"That's okay. I'll be here, supporting you through it all." Nico sniffled a little, hugging Levi closer to his chest. It was moments like this that he deeply cherished, even if they weren't all that positive. The way it felt when Levi was in his arms was simply indescribable. It was comforting and warm and it felt like everything in the world fell into place. They seemed to slot together so perfectly; their hands fit together like puzzle pieces and everything just seemed perfect. 

Nico couldn't get over how lucky he was to have someone as gorgeous and kind as Levi in his life. There was so much he adored about the man he got to call his, from the way he sang in the shower to the way he sat when watching a movie he was really in to. Nico loved watching him in the morning when he was still fast asleep, the sun leaking through the blinds and landing on his skin.  He loved feeling Levi snuggled up close to him, feeling how warm he was. He found it fascinating how certain things frustrated Levi, and what that frustration would do to him. Like how he would always clench his jaw and sigh a lot, or fiddle with things around him.

He loved watching how focused Levi could be on the things he enjoyed. That's why he loved to watch Levi in the OR, as he became so intensely concentrated on something that nothing around him could break that. Well, at least that was the case sometimes. He would never get over how Levi reacted to seeing pets on the streets, he would always want to stop and pet every single one. He also loved that whenever Levi would get emotional, he would get weirdly quiet. That's how Nico knew Levi was struggling. Levi never shut up about things, he would never stop chatting, unless something was really bothering him.

"Are you crying?" Levi teased, moving so he could look up at Nico. When he saw that Nico truly was teary-eyed, he couldn't hold back his giggle. An actual genuine  _giggle_ , of all things. It made Nico's heart quite literally leap. "Oh my god, you're crying!"

"Shut up," Nico groaned, unable to hide the love-struck grin on his face. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Levi's before he could say anything else. Levi immediately melted into the kiss, his hands coming up to rest at the back of Nico's neck, pulling him down closer. His fingers gently grabbed at the hair at the base of Nico's neck, something in which Levi always did. Nico's hands rested on Levi's waist, holding him close as they continued to kiss. Levi broke the kiss to look at Nico for a brief second. "Why'd you stop?"

"Just wanted to see your face," Levi whispered, taking a moment to gaze at his boyfriend. Nico's eyes were glassy and dark and a grin tugged at the corner of his lips. "You make me happy."

"Kiss me," Nico's voice was low and quiet, which was all Levi needed to be kissing him again. Nico couldn't help but smile into the kiss, completely and utterly in love with Levi. Every inch of him ached for Levi, he yearned for his touch. 

Before either of them knew it, they were in the bedroom, with Nico pushing Levi down onto their mattress. They shared a brief laugh before their lips were once again interlocking, Levi's hands freely roaming Nico's body without a care in the world. The kiss wasn't at all sexual; in fact, it was so passionate and full of love, Nico swore he might explode. Nico was straddled on top of Levi's waist, his hands gently cupping his face as they kissed. Levi's hands had found their way under Nico's shirt, cold skin meeting warm. The sensation made shivers run up Nico's spine, but he loved every second of it. They bathed in the moment together, exploring each other's bodies like they had done many times before. This time was different, however. A good different. 

Levi broke the kiss, his chest rising and falling heavily as he tried to catch his breath. Nico pouted a little at Levi's decision, but waited patiently to hear what Levi had to say. 

"Sorry, I just..." Levi trailed off, struggling to find the words to say. 

"Take your time, it's okay." Nico was patient as he waited to Levi to find the right words to say.

"I don't want to go any further. Head still hurts and all." That was a blatant lie. In fact, he'd forgotten about his head until that very moment. Still, Nico seemed to buy it and cautiously climbed off of Levi, dropping down on the bed beside him. Levi suddenly felt very self-conscious and instantly wrapped his arms across his stomach. 

"That's okay. Do you need any medicine at all?" Nico asked, using his hand to gently run his fingers through Levi's hair. Levi leaned into his touch, letting out a long sigh. 

"No, just want you to stay by my side, that's all," Levi mumbled, shuffling closer to Nico's side. Nico responded by draping his arm across his partner, letting him do as he pleased. Within mere minutes, Levi had fallen asleep, the events of the day finally catching up with him. 

-

As much as Nico didn't want to leave Levi alone for the day, he had work to attend to. He promised Levi that he would be back before he knew it. Levi trusted him and knew Nico would let him know if he had to stay any later. Levi would be fine by himself; if he had a problem, he could always contact Nico for help. 

"You sure you'll be okay?" Nico asked, shrugging his coat on. Levi yawned a little as he leaned against the wall, his dressing gown tied snug around his waist. 

"I'm not dying," Levi's voice was raspy and dripping with sleep. It only made Nico want to crawl back into bed with him. He couldn't resist how Levi looked in the morning, especially this early; his hair was messy and unkempt, his glasses still left unused on the bedside table, his sleep-filled voice. It made him go crazy every time, even still after two years. "Besides, it's not like you've gone and left me alone before. Why is today any different?"

"Because you're injured and I love you and I want to get back into bed and cuddle with you," Nico groaned as he dragged himself over to Levi, leaning against the wall just in front of him. Levi chuffed and rolled his eyes at his boyfriend, crossing his arms over his chest. Nico had his bottom lip jutted out in an over-dramatic pout. "What if I just call in and say I'm looking after you?"

"No can do, mister. I'll be fine and you know it. If I have a problem, I'll call you or something. Now get going otherwise you'll be late." Levi gestured for Nico to get going. With a huff, Nico pushed himself off the wall and leaned down to press a kiss to Levi's forehead before turning and walking to the door. As he opened it, he turned back to look at Levi, who looked half-asleep.

"I love you, call me if anything is wrong, I'll see you later tonight. Bye!" Nico rushed out his words before closing the door behind him with a soft click. As soon as he left, Levi left out a long sigh, dropping his arms to his sides. He'd decided that the reason he was so exhausted was because he was having to constantly fake being okay. He got plenty of sleep usually, but recently, things had changed. 

"Bye," Levi muttered to himself, the apartment falling into silence. He took a moment to just look around, take everything in. Honestly, he was quite stuck on what he should do. Everything he wanted to do seemed boring and meaningless. His brain just wasn't functioning correctly at the moment and it frustrated him beyond belief. 

Eventually, he found the motivation to push himself off the wall to go and turn the TV on. He knew he would sit there for hours, flicking between a million and one different channels. That seemed better than sitting in bed and moping all day long, anyway. The TV flicked on and he plopped himself down on his usual end of the couch, hoping and praying there would be something on. As it was still very early, there was nothing but those weird infomercials playing on practically every channel. None of his usual movies caught his attention. 

He debated going out for a walk, but even that seemed like too much effort. He hated feeling such a way, it truly made him feel pathetic. Even though he knew that it was just his brain messing things around, it still kept him feeling down. All Levi wanted to do was call Nico and tell him to come back, that nothing was okay and he felt like the world was spiraling around him. Yet again, he didn't want to burden Nico with his worries. 

Sometimes he wished that Nico would let them get some sort of pet, so there was some sort of company when there was one home. Nico did make some compelling arguments against why having a pet would be anything but practical. First off, they lived in an apartment. Even though it was spacious, if they had a dog it would constantly have to be taken down to go to the toilet. An indoor cat seemed like a better idea, but Nico argued it would destroy all his precious furniture. Second, it was rare they were home at a constant time. The pet would need to be fed and taken to the toilet and they just didn't have the time for that. 

Levi had even try convinced him to get something like a hamster, something small and easy to care for. Nico said no, that they smell and make too much noise at night, which was a fair argument in all honesty. Levi would have settled for a pet goldfish if it came down to it. Either way, it would always be a no from Nico. His logical mind worked against Levi's usually imaginative mind. 

The hours passed by one by one, minute by minute. Levi had managed to finally choose a movie and it happened to be one he had never seen before. It was a movie named 'The Neverending Story'. One particular part had made him sob his eyes out. When the main character was on his quest, he had to pass through The Swamp of Sadness. His loyal steed, Artax, was sadly lost in the swamp. He had never been so emotional over such a scene. At one point, he was screaming at the horse to pull through and get up. Sadly, the horse died in that swamp.

Levi, at one point, had made himself a cup of tea and some food. It wasn't much, but his appetite was close to nothing recently. Nico contacted Levi whenever he could throughout the day, making sure that he was okay. He would always reply that he was fine, but truthfully, he didn't know what he was feeling. The emotion was just one he couldn't explain. He had also managed to shower, which made him feel a little more content in himself. 

By the time eight in the evening had rolled around, Levi was spent. He had done nothing, yet he couldn't feel more tired. He knew that Nico would be home soon and that he would probably be hungry from his long day at work. So, with his last bit of energy, he dragged himself to the kitchen and began making something simple for Nico when he got in. It was one of his favorites. A simple chicken salad, light but filling. Perfect to have just before turning in to relax for the night. 

The front door clicked open as Levi was chopping up some of the salad. Nico called out to let Levi know that he was home, and for the first time that day, Levi managed to smile. Nico walked into the kitchen when he smelt food cooking and instantly made his way over to Levi to greet him. 

"Hey," Nico grinned fondly, wrapping his arms around Levi's waist from behind, resting his chin on Levi's shoulder. "I missed you."

"Ditto," Levi relaxed against Nico, the tension leaving his shoulders. Nico could tell and it made him frown. 

"Why you so tense?" Nico pondered, pressing a comforting kiss to Levi's skin, just under his ear. Levi smiled to himself, continuing to make the food. 

"Guess I'm just tired, 's all. Did you have a good day today?" Levi finished chopping the tomato up and pushed it to the side with the knife, preparing the next vegetable to chop. Nico let out a short sigh and gave Levi a gentle, sort of comforting squeeze. 

"Yeah, it was interesting. Some guy managed to break his ankle pretty severely just from falling off the bottom step of his stairs. Don't even see how that is possible, but it happened." Nico mentioned, just enjoying his time with his arms wrapped around the man he loved. As Levi was chopping the carrot, his hand slipped and he managed to slice his finger instead. 

"Fuck!" He exclaimed, dropping the knife and instantly grabbing his finger. Nico unwrapped his arms from Levi's waist to go and get a kitchen towel, which he handed Levi as soon as he found. Levi held it against his wounded finger until Nico could find something more appropriate, which would most likely be stored in the bathroom. It probably didn't help that he was extremely sleepy. 

Nico entered the bathroom and went into their medical cupboard, which had more medical things than most normal households. He grabbed a normal plaster for if it was just a simple cut and some proper bandaging stuff for if it was worse. As he was grabbing the last few pieces, he knocked one of the small plastic boxes from the self. It fell to the ground and upon impact, it opened. Nico bent down to grab the box, his mind still fixed on getting Levi some aid. When he glanced at the box, something small caught his eye. In among the other stuff, was a blade. He couldn't remember putting that in there before. Either way, he shoved the stuff back in haphazardly before putting it back on the shelf and closing the cupboard. 

When he got back to the kitchen, Levi had his finger running under some water, so he could clear the blood away and see the wound for what it was. Thankfully, it didn't look bad. Nico was swift to help him get it sorted, but the thing he saw in the bathroom stayed at the back of his mind. He didn't know whether or not he should bring it up with Levi. After all, he didn't really have a reason to. At least, that's what he thought. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin dinner," Levi sighed, watching as Nico placed the water-proof plaster around his injured finger. When he was done, Nico brought Levi's hand to his lips and kissed the finger, causing Levi to chuckle. 

"Do you want me to help?" Nico asked, leaning his hip against the counter. Levi looked around the kitchen; he had made quite a mess whilst making the food, which wasn't like him. Perhaps he was just stressed and hadn't realized. 

"No, you've had a long day, you don't need the stress of coming home and having to make your own food too," Levi complained, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Nico cocked his head to the side, his brows knitted together as he watched Levi. 

"Levi," Nico didn't know what to say. No matter what he said, Levi would somehow find a way to argue back against him. More often than not, Levi would jump at the chance to get Nico to help him. "Can you please tell me what is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Nico. I had a tough day yesterday and I guess it's just bothering me, alright?" Levi walked back over to the chopping board, picking up the knife from the side and putting it in the wash. He didn't want to use that knife after slicing himself with it. He got himself a new knife and carried on chopping. Nico simply watched on, unsure as to what he should do anymore. This really wasn't like Levi at all; it was the complete opposite. He leaned against the counter top, hands shoved deep in his jean pockets. 

"I thought you trusted me," Nico mumbled, just enough so Levi could catch it. The way he said it broke Levi's heart. Nico had never sounded so hurt before. "Why can't you let me in on what is going on inside your head?"

"Because I don't want to!" Levi snapped, slamming down the knife on the countertop. Nico was taken back by the sudden outburst from Levi. He had never seen him in such a foul mood before. "Why can't you just understand that I don't want to talk about how I feel every single second of every single day?!"

 "I only wanted to help, Levi! Is there something wrong with that?" Nico retaliated. He let out a short sigh after, almost feeling guilty for snapping back at Levi. 

"I don't need to be babied, either. I'm not dumb, I'm not incapable of everyday tasks. I'm a grown man and I can look after myself. You don't need to be on my tail every single moment of my day." Levi returned back to making the food, getting the chicken from the oven. He placed the hot pan down on top of the stove with a clang before returning to chop the last remaining vegetables. 

"Why are you acting like this?" Nico knew the question would only relight the fire in Levi, but he needed to get to the bottom of it all. Levi wasn't acting like himself and everyone could see. 

"Because I'm fed up with you obsessing over every last thing I do!" Levi yelled, turning back to face Nico. He couldn't tell whether Nico looked pissed or hurt. 

"What, so it's wrong for me to care and worry about you?" Nico scoffed, removing his hands from his pockets to cross his arms. He shifted his weight from one leg to another, making sure not to break eye contact with Levi to prove his point. 

"Yes!" Levi scowled, taking a step towards Nico. "Just let me breathe!"

Nico couldn't keep it to himself anymore. He had to bring it up and end this once and for now, with no more arguments. He changed his tone, so it was relaxed and calm. Even so, there were still hints of anger lingering as he spoke. "I found something in the bathroom, which I think belongs to you."

Levi froze. Suddenly, his hard demeanor melted away and he looked  _terrified_. That was the moment Nico knew he had caught Levi redhanded. That was the exact moment his heart shattered. 

"It isn't what you think."

"It's not what I think, huh? Is that why you wanted to stop last night? Is that why you've been wearing long sleeves at work, even when it's too hot to be wearing such things? Is that why Link wanted to talk to you so bad?" Nico started off as mad; almost upset that Levi had kept such a thing from him. It slowly faded into hurt, his heart aching at the thought of Levi harming himself. 

"Nico..."

"No! Tell me the truth, Levi. Why did you hide this from me?" Nico was beginning to get choked up on his own tears. The sight made Levi feel incredibly guilty. He had brought this much pain on someone because of something he did. Someone he loved with his whole being. 

"Because I didn't want this to happen. I knew you'd get upset with me. I didn't want to be a burden." Levi spoke low and meek, his arms wrapped around himself, almost like a shield.

Nico couldn't bring himself to say anymore. His heart was completely torn in two. He felt so hurt, so heartbroken that Levi would even for a second believe that he was a burden to him. All he could do was walk over to Levi and pull him in for the tightest hug he had ever given anyone. He never wanted to let Levi go again, he wanted to protect him and keep him safe from harm. Nico couldn't stop the tears that fell, nor did he care about stopping them. 

Levi was sobbing too, his face buried deep into Nico's shoulder, his arms hooked under Nico's. The two just stayed like that together, in each other's arms, crying. Levi couldn't bring himself to say anything. All he felt was a strong pang of guilt playing in his chest, over and over again. He couldn't believe the pain he had inadvertently caused Nico from lying to him. Levi's hands were balled into fists, Nico's t-shirt locked between his fingers. 

Nico held Levi like he was a newborn baby; delicate, soft, so fragile. Nico was never one to cry unless something really upsetting had hurt him. This was one of those rare moments he let his barriers come down. The tears tracked down his cheeks, leaving trails of dampness as they went. One of his hands was rested on the back on Levi's head, his fingers combing through Levi's hair to calm him. His other was wrapped securely around his waist, keeping him close. It seemed they stayed there for a while, neither of them wanting to move in fear that they would somehow lose each other. 

Eventually, Levi calmed enough to speak up. He pulled back from Nico's warm embrace to look up at him, his eyes red and puffy from the amount of crying he had just done. Nico's shirt was stained with tears, but that was the least of his worries right now. Levi wiped his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his dressing gown, taking another few moments to compose himself. 

"I'm so sorry," Levi choked on his words as he spoke, the tears threatening to spill once again. "I'm so, so sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, just please, let me help you. I want to help you get better, Levi. I love you too much to lose you." Nico wiped under his eyes and sniffed, trying not to let himself cry again. There was only so much emotional bullshit he could handle. 

"I love you too, but I don't want to-"

"You are not a burden, babe. You are anything but that. Believe me when I say that." Nico interrupted Levi before he could finish his sentence. He hated hearing Levi talk shit about himself constantly. 

"Okay," Levi sniffled, taking a deep, shaky breath to calm himself some more. "I'll get help."

"Thank you."

-

A week passed by and both Levi and Nico were back working at the hospital. Link was happy to see that Levi was doing better and made sure to check up on him whenever he could. None of the other staff knew anything about what Levi had gone through; all they knew is that he had fainted and hit his head. Levi was glad to be back at work, as being at home for so long was starting to drive him mad. He had also managed to stay pretty positive over the last few days. 

Levi found an empty on-call room for his break, as he needed to take a moment and clear his head. That's what he discovered worked best for him whenever he was starting to feel overwhelmed and stressed. A few deep breaths here and there kept him from going insane. He took a seat on one of the chairs in the corner of the room, directly by the window. Levi reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone, taking it out and unlocking it before messaging Nico. He wanted to let him know where he was, just in case he also managed to snag a quick break. 

There was no answer, so Levi just assumed that he was busy with something else. That was okay, as saving lives was more important than anything else. Levi knew that Nico was good at fixing people. He let out a short sigh and placed his phone down on the small coffee table, taking a glance out the window. It was a gorgeous sunny day outside, even for the middle of Autumn. It was the type of weather Levi adored; sunny but chilly, a slight breeze just to pick up the leaves to skip them along the ground. There were little clouds in the sky that day as well, meaning the sky was bright blue and beautiful. 

His phone buzzed on the table beside him and startled him, but he was quick to pick up his phone anyways. It was a call, which was weird. Why was Nico calling him instead of coming to find him? He answered it, his brows knitted together in confusion. As soon as he answered it, he was bombarded with another voice yelling at him down the phone. 

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down. Who is this and why are you calling me from Nico's phone?" Levi asked, leaning forward in his seat. 

" _It's Link, where are you?_ " His voice was rushed as he spoke. He could hear things in the background; it sounded like a proper ruckus. 

"I'm on a break, why? What's wrong?" Levi questioned, beginning to get worried as to why it was Link talking to him and not his boyfriend. Had something happened to Nico that he didn't know about?

" _Can you come and sort Nico out? A patient came in after getting hit by a car, they managed to escape from a nearby mental hospital and they are going ballistic, despite their injuries and broken limbs. They managed to hit Nico whilst flailing about and he got hurt. It's not bad but there are so many of us working on the patient that Nico needs someone to look after him_." Link rushed out before hanging up the phone. Levi assumed they were down at the ER, so that is where he headed. He was proven right when he could hear distant yelling and screaming. 

Levi looked around as he entered the ER, wondering what on Earth was going on. There was a large group of people gathered around one bed, where all the commotion was coming from. The patient was seriously putting up a fight, Levi didn't understand why the hadn't been able to give something to sedate them yet. It was very overwhelming to witness, but Levi was here for Nico and that was it. 

"Levi!" Link's voice caught his attention, calling him over to where he was sat with Nico. "It's nothing bad, but I have to get back to the patient. God knows what other bones they've managed to break whilst trying to break free."

Link rushed off, leaving Nico and Levi alone together. Nico had an icepack held against his head, an apologetic smile slapped across his face. Levi sighed and made his way over to Nico's side, arms crossed over his chest. 

"And I thought I was the clumsy one," Levi joked, causing Nico to laugh at him. It was true; more often than not, it would have been Levi in this situation. "Let's get somewhere quieter. I can't take all the screaming."

"I'm with you on that one," Nico slid off the bed he was sat on, still holding his icepack against his head and he and Levi made their way from the commotion, finding somewhere quieter (and possibly safer) to treat whatever injuries Nico obtained. 

Levi took Nico to an on-call room, after grabbing the things he thought he may need. As they entered the room, Levi closed and locked the door behind them. Nico was already sat in one of the chairs by the time Levi turned around to aid him. The icepack Nico had was already beginning to warm a little, which wasn't helping with the pain he was experiencing. Levi made his way over to Nico and grabbed one of the other nearby chairs, dragging it closer so he could sit next to Nico without having to constantly bend down and stand up. 

"So what exactly happened?" Levi asked, taking the warmed icepack from Nico and placing it down next to him. He slipped on a pair of rubber gloves and opened a small bag which contained a small antiseptic wipe. Nico let out a long sigh as he tried to recall the events which led up to his injury. Levi carefully examined the small wound on Nico's head, his brows knitted together in concentration. 

"Uh, a mental patient had escaped and got hit by a fast-moving car. How they are still alive, I don't know. They had an array of broken bones and injuries, yet they were so strong and as I was trying to get something by the patient, they lashed out and managed to hit me." Nico flinched a little as Levi cleaned around the wound, making sure there was nothing in it. 

"Sorry," Levi mumbled, still focused on trying to get the bleeding to stop. It wasn't bad, but there were just certain areas that always bled a lot more than other places. "Did you hit your head on anything else?"

"Not as far as I can remember," Levi stopped what he was doing and looked at Nico, a brow raised. "It happened too quick for me to really think about it."

"Do you feel dizzy?" Levi continued working around the small wound, trying to be as gentle as he could as he went. Nico took in a deep breath and scrunched his nose a little at the discomfort. 

"Not really."

"I need a yes or a no, Nico."

"No, I'm okay." Nico shifted how he was sitting, letting out a frustrated huff as he did. Levi stopped and sat back in his chair, his expression anything but impressed. 

"Stop being grumpy," Levi spoke, using the antiseptic wipe to clean around the wound. Nico groaned and swatted away Levi's hand. "Nico."

"Sorry, I just," Nico took a breath. "I don't need this. I'm okay."

"This isn't like you, Nico. Can't you just let me finish cleaning it? I want to make sure it's okay. I want to make sure that you're okay. Do you have a headache? Do you feel nauseous? Is your vision okay?" Nico pushed himself up from the chair and stumbled a little as he took a step forward. Levi was swift to react and also stood up, placing his hands on Nico's shoulders to stop him from going. "Nico!"

"I'm fine," Nico pushed past Levi and made his way over to the door, unlocking it before turning to look back at Levi. He was still stood by the chairs, his face contorted into a mixture of hurt and confusion. "I'll see you later."

"Wait," Levi took a step forward, absent-mindedly fiddling with his own fingers. Nico sighed and took his hand off the door handle, resting his back against the door as he looked at Levi. "You know what? Forget it."

Nico was silent for a moment before turning his back towards Levi and exiting the room, leaving Levi to clean up the mess. He picked up all the trash and discarded of it in a bin outside the room, removing his gloves as well once he was done. Why was Nico mad at him? Had he done something to upset him?

His mind had been in such a positive place for so long but just like a light switch, it had been flicked into negative. He hated his mind for being such a difficult thing to control. Everything around him began to rush by again. His mind was racing and so was his heart. He decided he needed to take a moment to get some air. He headed down towards the entrance of the hospital, pushing pass staff and patients as he made his way to the front doors of the hospital. Levi hadn't even realized he was practically running by the time he reached the doors. The fresh air hitting his face as he left the hospital was refreshing, but did little to clear his mind. There were so many people around him, looking and staring on. He took a deep breath and jogged over to a bench just outside, sitting down on it with a sharp sigh. Levi rested his head in his hands, rubbing his temples with his fingers as a way to try and calm his racing mind.

Someone sat down next to him on the bench, resting their hands in their lap as they did. They let out a short sigh as they looked at Levi, moving one of their hands to rest it on his back. Levi didn't look up from his hands, he just let out a shaky breath as he felt the hand on his back. 

"Seems like you're having a rough day," Levi recognized the voice as one of the other staff members. Everything was still a little fuzzy, so he couldn't currently put a name or face to the voice. "Do you want to talk about it? I saw you practically dart out of the hospital."

Levi finally looked up from his hands and turned to the person beside him, surprised to see Dr. Avery sat next to him. Of all the people that could have followed him, it just happened to be Jackson. Levi nodded, almost hesitantly. He'd worked alongside Dr. Avery before, but it still felt weird opening up to him about things. 

"Something just ticked me off, I guess," Levi didn't want to go into too much detail, as he feared it would make him look pathetic. Jackson sat and listened, ready to give advice when it was needed. "Or, someone, that is. My mind has been in a dark place lately and I guess the situation just made it worse."

"What was the situation?" Jackson asked. Levi turned his attention to the stream of people walking in and out of the hospital. Each person had their own life, their own problems, and achievements. They went through their day just like it was nothing.

"Nico and I had a small argument. It wasn't anything big but where my mind is in such a shit place it just made me feel terrible." Levi slumped back into the bench, frustration coursing through his veins. Jackson nodded in understanding, having experienced the same situation many times before.

"Listen, sometimes you just have to fight back against your own mind. Your mind is your worst enemy, especially when it's sick. I suggest continuing with your day and just try to relax, let your mind focus on your work rather than anything else. Personally, that works for me." Jackson was never really the type to give incredible advice, but it was worth a try at the very least. Levi was willing to try, he would never know unless he tried. He gave Jackson a thankful smile before standing up and making his way back into the hospital.

Almost as soon as he had stepped into the hospital, he was paged by another doctor, alerting him to a new patient. He headed straight to where he was needed, letting his mind only focus on his work. It was actually somewhat working, until he caught sight of Nico out the corner of his eye. He turned his attention to his partner, who was stood across the room from him. They made brief eye contact, Nico seemingly perking up once he saw Levi. However, Levi just continued walking on, turning his attention back to his work. 

He finally reached the room in which he was paged to and entered it, finding Dr. Karev and a group of other doctors surrounding a patient, who was flatlining. Alex looked up as he heard the door creak open, catching Levi's eye. The family of the patient was in the corner of the room, having to watch as their daughter's heart failed. 

"Schmitt, get them out of here!" Karev instructed, already starting compressions on the young girl. Levi nodded once and made his way over to the family, signaling to the family to move. As he tried to get them to move, the father of the patient lashed out and pushed Levi backwards, knocking him into a table. The table held two glasses of water, which were knocked over, creating a large spill and hazard. Karev turned to see what the fuss was about behind him, only to see that Schmitt had just created a massive mess. 

"Sorry, sorry," Levi muttered, his eyes wide in embarrassment as he managed to finally get the family to leave. He closed the door behind them as soon as they had left and turned back to go help Karev, only to see that Karev was staring at him with a disappointed look. The heart-rate monitor had a low, monotone beep as they failed to revive the girl. She was so young and had so much life ahead of her. 

"Clean this up," Karev sounded irritated as he pointed at the large spill of water behind him. The rest of the group of doctors were removing the wires from the girl and preparing her so her family could say goodbye. Levi swallowed and nodded, feeling his breath hitch in his chest as he headed out to go and get some paper towels. When he came back, the family was gathered around their daughter, silently sobbing over their loss. Levi blamed himself for it all; if he hadn't knocked the water over, Dr. Karev wouldn't have gotten distracted. Maybe, just maybe, the girl would still be alive if he hadn't been so clumsy. Levi finished sopping up the water with the paper towels and discarded them into a nearby bin when Alex grabbed him by his arm and dragged him outside to talk. "What the hell was that?" 

"The father, uh, pushed me. I'm sorry, sir, it won't happen again." Levi profusely apologized, feeling incredibly guilty over what had happened. Karev scoffed as he went to walk past Levi.

"You bet it won't." 

Levi let out a disappointed sigh and slumped against the wall, feeling less than satisfied with his work. Nico always commented on how clumsy he was; maybe he never meant it as a compliment. Eventually, Levi knew he had to go and find something else to do, so he could follow Jackson's advice. Keep your mind on your work and everything should be fine. With a huff, he pushed himself off the wall and went to go find someone he could assist. As he rounded the corner of the corridor, he smacked straight into someone, knocking both of them to the ground. 

"Oh my god," Levi mumbled to himself before scrambling over to the woman he'd just knocked off her feet. He helped her pick of the contents of her handbag, apologizing for being so clumsy. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Well, you better start looking!" She was very obviously upset at being knocked over. Other staff and people were watching, catching and gossiping as they walked by. It was mortifying. "I came here to get treated, not abused!" 

She promptly stood up and rushed off, leaving Levi sat on the cold floor of the hospital. Yet again, he sighed loudly, feeling completely defeated. Life was really having fun with beating him down today. What more could go wrong?

"What the hell are you doing down there?" Dr. Karev rounded the corner from the other end of the corridor and rushed over to Levi's side, helping him stand back up. Levi dusted himself off and readjusted his glasses, clearing his throat as he did so. "Did you faint again?" 

"No, I ran into a lady and we both fell. She's fine but she wasn't happy." Levi almost grumbled as he spoke, not wanting Karev to get mad at him once again. He didn't think he could take it anymore. 

"You knocked a patient over? Jesus Schmitt, you're a mess!" Karev rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, his other hand planted against his hip. The people stood around were still watching, still chatting and gossiping and thinking about how pathetic Levi was. All he was doing was messing up.

"I-I'm sorry, Dr. Karev, I'll try harder." Karev sighed at Levi's words and shook his head, almost in disbelief. 

"Nico's looking for you, said he needed you for something. He didn't seem happy. He said he'd be waiting at the desk for you." The words stung. They pounded at his chest with a force that could knock him off his feet. Karev left Levi to go and tend to another one of his patients, leaving Levi to go and find his partner. 

As he walked, he thought about all the things that had happened to him today. When he first arrived at the hospital, he was rushed off to go help in the OR due to an emergency, only for him to almost trip and smack into Dr. Grey, who was in the middle of the surgery. She hadn't been too happy about that mistake. People in the OR seemed to roll their eyes at him. Then, he'd been called to help sort the supply room, as it had been left messy and unorganized. He'd knocked a large box of gauzes off the top shelf and they had scattered everywhere. Under the selves, into small nooks and crannies, on top of some shelves. The other doctor who he'd been helping muttered something about it, low enough so Levi wasn't able to catch it. Then he had to go and help Nico, who got pissed at him and walked off, leaving him to clean up a mess yet again. Not to mention he ran out of the hospital, only to be followed by Dr. Avery, who gave very half-assed advice. 

Then the little girl died, and the woman was knocked off her feet. He seemed to be able to do nothing right today. At first, it was okay but now it was just weighing down on his shoulders. Every step he made, everything he did, it somehow went wrong and he caused a whole lot of trouble. Everyone seemed to be on his case today, giving him a reprimanding for whatever reason they chose. It seemed to be 'Everyone Hate Levi' day for some odd reason. 

Levi found Nico scanning through charts as usual at the desk, waiting for him. He took a deep breath to prepare himself before he walked over, clearing his throat to grab Nico's attention. Nico looked up from his chart and placed it down, turning his body to fully face Levi. Karev was right; he didn't look happy. Had he heard about what Levi had done earlier? His mind raced and panicked with every thought that charged through it. On the outside, he kept a fair and calm facade. 

"Karev said you wanted me," Levi spoke, his facial expression and tone were almost lifeless. He was done with today, he just wanted to get home and sleep away the rest of the day, so he could forget about it all. 

"Why are you in a mood?" Nico started, frowning a little down at his partner. Levi rolled his eyes. "Anyways, we need to talk. In private."

"Can't this wait until we're home?" Levi complained, resting his hip on the desk. Nico shook his head in response, using his head to gesture to an empty room to the side of them. Levi followed behind Nico as they entered the room, closing the door behind them. "So what have I done this time?"

"You haven't done anything, Levi. I just wanted to see if you're alright. You just seem like you're having an off day." Nico leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at Levi, a solemn expression on his face. 

"Yeah, well I seem to be having a lot of off days recently, no biggie."

"Well, it's a biggie to me. You seem extremely tense, I can see it in your shoulders. Do you want to talk about anything?" Levi only seemed to get more agitated as Nico spoke. All Levi wanted to do was scream at this point. 

"No! I'm fine, Nico. I'm just having a bad day, as usual! Plus, you surely aren't making it any better!" Levi snapped, throwing his arms up as he spoke. Nico hated seeing Levi in such a way, it was so unlike his normal character. 

"Me? Levi, I'm only trying to help!" Nico replied, his voice rising as he finished his sentence. Levi rested his hands on his hips and chuckled sarcastically. 

"No, you're trying to baby me."

"Can you just stop acting so pathetic for once, please?!" Nico raised his voice at Levi, instantly regretting it once he saw the hurt sweep over Levi's once harsh expression. His shoulders relaxed and he dropped his hands to his sides. "Wait, Levi, I didn't mean-"

"No, I get it. It is what it is. I'll see you later." Levi stormed off out the room before Nico could get another word in, or even try to stop him. Nico groaned to himself before running out the room to try find where Levi had disappeared off to. He wasn't anywhere in sight when he left the room; he truly had no idea how Levi could be so agile at times. It was like he disappeared into thin air right in front of him.

Nico looked around, scanning across the sea of people, seeing if he could catch glimpse of Levi anywhere. After no luck, he decided to try his shot and headed off to the left, hoping that Levi had gone in the direction he was heading. He tried to keep his pace to a fast walk instead of jogging, just so he didn't cause any accidents. He tracked through the hospital trying to find his boyfriend. He even asked some of his fellow doctors but none of them knew where he was either. 

Even after an hour had passed, Nico was unable to find him anywhere. He assumed that Levi was making every effort to avoid him. Maybe he had gone to hide somewhere, in a bathroom or on-call room. Nico was starting to panic at this point. He took a moment to stop and breathe, but then his pager went off. He looked at his pager to see that Jackson had paged him to come help with a patient who had been in a bike accident and had a possible broken leg. With a groan, he shoved the device back into his pocket and made his way to find Jackson. 

"Ah, Nico, good to see you, this patient here-"

"Dr. Avery, I need to speak with you for a second." Nico glanced between Jackson and the patient, who looked worse for wear. A moment of silence was shared between the group before Jackson excused himself and Nico, pulling him to the side. 

"You okay? You look flustered." Avery commented, raising a brow. Nico nodded and glanced back at the patient to see them chatting with their family. He didn't want to take up too much time and possibly cause the patient more distress. 

"I can't find Levi anywhere. We had another argument and I said something really stupid and he ran off and I'm really worried that-"

"Woah, speak slower. Schmitt ran off and now you can't find him?" Nico nodded in response, having to take a second to catch his breath. Jackson frowned, remembering what he and Schmitt had chatted about earlier, outside the hospital. "Have you tried messaging him?"

"Yes, he hasn't answered. All my calls have gone straight to voicemail as well, I think he's turned his phone off." The look that Jackson wore only made Nico even more concerned about where Levi may be. Avery glanced back over his shoulder to the patient and their family, breathing deep as he made a split-second decision. He left Nico for just a second to return to the family and explain that an emergency had arisen and that he would be back as soon as he could. Thankfully, they understood and let Dr. Avery return to Nico. 

"I spoke to him earlier, he said that you'd had an argument and that he felt like he was spiraling. He seemed really down and he just wasn't himself. The fact he isn't responding and his phone is off gives me cause for concern. Where else do you think he'd go?" Nico and Avery began making their way to the locker room, their paces fast as they walked. 

"The only other place I know he'd go when he's stressed is home. That probably means he taken the car too, shit." Nico ran a hand through his hair, his hands beginning to shake out of pure nerves. Avery could see that Nico was beginning to get overwhelmed. 

"Alright, I'll have to take you."

"Wait, you have a patient that's waiting for you, you can't do that." Nico stopped walking, refusing to let Jackson take him when there was a patient waiting for his treatment. 

"That patient will live. They can wait and if anything happens, someone else can take over. Right now, I'm far more concerned about what Levi may be up to." Jackson grabbed Nico by the wrist and continued to drag him along, despite his protests. Soon enough they made it to their lockers, rushing to get changed out of their scrubs and back into their normal clothes. 

-

Levi was sat cross-legged on his shared bed, the blinds were drawn shut. His head was pounding and his chest ached. His cheeks were flushed and wet from where he had been crying. He hadn't meant to storm off, but he wanted to be alone, somewhere where he knew he could get the privacy he needed. All he wanted to do was forget today ever happened. His phone had been thrown across the room after he turned it off, leaving it sat idly in the corner, a small dent in the wall and a crack on the screen. Levi really couldn't care less about his phone right now.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and sniffled, resting his chin on his knees as he wrapped his arms around his legs. He debated packing a bag and spending the night at someone else's house, just so he could give Nico a break from his constant depressing self. After all, Nico had called him pathetic. Whether or not he meant it truly, Levi didn't know. Other thoughts bounced around his mind, darker ones than he had ever really had before. All of the recent events that he had been through made it seem like an easy option. 

Levi turned his attention to the small en-suite bathroom to the left of him. He sniffled once more as he pushed himself off the bed, wiping at his eyes and nose with the back of his sleeve as he headed in and switched the light on. He rested his hands on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked absolutely  _awful_. Even without his glasses on, he could tell that he wasn't looking too well. He certainly didn't feel well either. 

After regaining himself a little, he pushed off the sink and made his way over to the shower and switched it so it would run a bath instead of using the shower head. He just wanted to take a moment to relax, breathe, and forget everything around him. It was the only thing that he could think of that didn't involve anything that could cost him his life. The water began pouring into the bathtub, steam rising from the heat. The sound was calming to Levi. He sat on the edge as he watched the water splash below him, his mind drifting off somewhere else. 

Unbeknownst to him, Nico and Jackson had just parked up outside, rushing to get up to the apartment as fast as they could. Nico practically stumbled out the car as soon as Jackson had pulled into the parking space. The little stunt made Jackson tense up, but thankfully Nico was okay. 

"The curtains in the bedroom are drawn, they weren't when we left this morning so he has to be here." Nico pointed up to his apartment, Jackson glancing up as he locked his car up. Nico went to rush to get into the building, only to have Avery stop him. 

"I don't want you just bursting in there, Nico. For all we know, he may be fine, he may have just come home to calm himself. When we get up there, I want you to walk in like you usually would. Call out his name, don't let him know that I'm here. Got it?" Nico had his attention drawn on the window still, hoping that he may see some movement sooner or later. Avery clicked his fingers in front of Nico to grab his attention.

"I heard you," Nico swatted Jackson's hand away, pushing past him to get into the building. They made their way into the building and up the stairs, as the elevator was broken. Unfortunately, Nico's apartment was on one of the higher floors, but both men were pretty used to having to run up and down stairs in serious situations. They made their way up in mere minutes and eventually reached Nico's front door. 

"Take a breath, Nico. Calm yourself." Avery rested his hand on Nico's shoulder for support as Nico dug his keys out from his pocket, slotting his key into the keyhole and turning it with a satisfying click. Jackson gave Nico an encouraging nod before Nico made his way into the apartment, Jackson following silently behind him. Nico's chest was rising and falling as he struggled to control his breathing, his anxiety rising as he entered the apartment. Nico went to shake his coat off his shoulders when Jackson signaled for him to hush.

They could hear bath water running. The bedroom door was shut but they could tell the room was dark. They couldn't hear anything else either, just running water. It made Nico's heart sink in his chest. Jackson mouthed to Nico to call out for Levi in hopes he may respond. 

"Levi, I'm home," Nico called out, finally shrugging his coat off and hanging it up. He kicked his shoes off by the door and slowly crept his way into the middle of the apartment, waiting silently to hear if Levi responded. He turned around to face Jackson for advice, only to have the same instructions repeated to him. "Levi, are you here?"

Levi was purposely ignoring Nico's calls. The very fact that he was home, made Levi begin to panic. He wasn't meant to be home until much, much later. He could hear Nico walking around outside the bedroom, probably looking for him. He reached over and placed his hand on top of the tap, slowly turning it to stop the flow of water. That way, he could hear if Nico was still calling for him. He placed his hands on his knees as he got up from where he was perched on the edge of the bath and made his way to peek out the bathroom door, intently listening. 

"Levi?" Nico called out again when he heard the water shut off. It gave him a spark of hope. Again, he looked to Jackson for advice. He motioned for Nico to try open the bedroom door. Nico nodded and let out a shaky breath as he began to make his way over to the door. As he went to take another step, the bedroom door clicked open, to reveal a miserable looking Levi. Nico felt like he could faint in the moment, happiness and relief swarming him. 

"Hi," Levi mumbled, crossing his arms over his stomach as he leaned against the frame of the door. The two just stared at each other for a little, until Levi emerged from the safety of the bedroom and made his way over to Nico, who practically scooped the smaller man up into his arms. Jackson was still stood by the door, a fond smile on his face as he watched the two. "I'm okay."

Nico let out a sigh of relief, his arms snaked tightly around Levi's waist, holding him close. "You scared the absolute fuck out of me, Levi. Don't ever do that again, please."

Levi pulled back from the hug a little, his hands coming to cup the back of Nico's neck, his thumbs gently rested against his cheeks. Jackson playfully rolled his eyes at the exchange, clearing his throat to catch the men's attention. Both of them turned their attention towards him, having forgotten he was there. 

"Right, if you two are good, I'm going to go back to my patients. Take care." Jackson turned and opened the door, waving to the two before shutting the door behind him. As soon as the door clicked shut, Levi turned his attention back to Nico and leaned up to press his lips to Nico's in a rushed, apologetic kiss. Nico could tell that Levi was tense, he could feel it where his hands were placed on his lower back. He could tell that Levi wanted to let out all that pent up frustration he had harbored. The way Levi kissed Nico, so full of love and want took Nico by surprise. 

Levi's hands were all over Nico; he ran his fingers down from his neck to his shoulders, then down to his chest, were they idled for a short while before making their way back up to Nico's hair. Nico's hands were gripped on Levi's waist, quietly tucked underneath the fabric of Levi's shirt. Levi's skin was warm and soft, just like it usually was. The two of them bathed in the moment, until Nico broke the kiss, both of them breathing heavily as they broke apart. 

"You haven't done anything, have you?" Nico wore a solemn look as he waited for Levi to respond, silently hoping that he hadn't tried anything. Levi managed a sincere smile and shook his head, a wave of relief washing over Nico. "Why did I hear running water then?"

"I could feel I was tense, so I wanted to have a bath to relax." Levi shrugged, leaning up to kiss Nico again, only to get stopped. Nico looked confused. 

"I'm really sorry for what I said earlier, I shouldn't have said that, even if I was angry. Oh my god, I'm such an ass," Nico let out a quiet groan as he thought back to the argument they had earlier. "I thought I ruined everything." 

Levi just rolled his eyes and leaned up again, kissing Nico with all the love he had. Nico didn't resist and let himself melt into the kiss. Levi's lips were soft and gentle, but the kiss was the exact opposite. It was rushed and harsh, like many of their first kisses had been. Nico pulled Levi in closer to his chest, their bodies pressed flush against one another. Nico smiled against Levi's lips, so fully and totally in love with him. Yet again, Nico broke the kiss, much to Levi's disappointment. 

"What's gotten into you?" Nico wondered, a content sigh leaving his lips as his thumbs rubbed gentle circles into Levi's warm skin. Levi leaned into the touch, embracing every moment of it. 

"Nothing, I just... I just wanted to kiss you, you know? I just really love you." Levi mumbled, taking a step back from Nico. 

"Okay? I love you too, even if you do like to scare the crap out of me." Nico raised a brow, slightly unsure as to why Levi was acting in such a strange manner. It wasn't unusual for Levi to constantly tell Nico how much he loved him and show affection, it was just the way he said it. It made Nico feel uncomfortable for some reason.

-

Nico decided he would make the two of them some dinner whilst Levi had his bath to relax him. In all honesty, Nico wasn't the best cook, but he would always try to impress Levi. He would never forget the one time where he almost burnt down the apartment from forgetting to get the food from the oven. Luckily, Levi knew exactly what to do to save both the food and the house. Ever since then, Nico had practiced making food more often, as he didn't always want to leave it to Levi. 

Nico was contently humming away to his music as he prepared the food, having a little jam session as he went. He found it easier to concentrate if he had something playing in the background, perhaps he had realized that from the many surgeries he had attended where music was playing. Food was almost done so he called out to Levi to come get it as he finished up the last few pieces. Once he was done plating it all up, he realized that Levi hadn't responded to him. Perhaps he was still in the bath. 

He called out again, still no response. It wasn't like Levi to not let Nico know that he was coming, or that he was just finishing up with something. Maybe he had his headphones in or had fallen asleep after his bath. Baths always seemed to make Levi really sleep during the evening. He was beginning to get curious as to where his partner was, so switched off the music on his phone and made his way over to the bedroom. He had shoved his phone in his pocket just before he left the kitchen. Nico put his ear against the door to see if he could hear Levi making any noise, but he heard nothing. He knocked on the door once, nothing.

Again, nothing. 

Strange.

Nico opened the door with caution, just in case Levi was asleep. He wouldn't want to startle him awake. He popped his head around the corner, glancing around the room. He couldn't see Levi anywhere in the bedroom, which was really odd. He slowly made his way in to see better, only to hear a weak cough from the bathroom, where the door was closed. 

"Levi? You okay in there?" Nico made his way over to the bathroom door and knocked on it, again getting no response from his partner. He knocked again, before trying the door. It was locked. They never locked the door whilst one of them was in the bathroom. That was the exact moment Nico realized something was seriously wrong. Luckily, this lock was one he was able to open from the outside, with a bit of hard work. 

When he managed to finally open it, he saw Levi propped up against the bath, looking sickly pale and covered in sweat. Instantly, Nico realized what Levi had done to himself. His heart tore in two at the sight, but he had to keep himself calm and collected to keep Levi calm. He was swift to kneel down beside Levi, resting the back of his hand against Levi's damp forehead. He was burning up and badly. 

"Levi, babe, can you hear me?" Nico asked, trying to keep his voice calm, even those his heart was racing. Nico grabbed Levi's wrist to try and find his pulse, only to find it very weak and slow. He had no idea how long Levi had been sat here like this, quite possibly dying from an overdose. "I need you to keep calm for me, okay?"

Nico looked around the floor for whatever Levi had taken, it would be helpful to know for later references. He eventually found the container; paracetamol. From what he remembered, the container was full the last time he saw it. It was now practically empty. 

"Levi, you need to stay awake for me, okay? Don't close your eyes, don't go to sleep. I know you feel tired but you can't sleep," Nico grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialed for an ambulance. It seemed to take forever to ring. It felt weird being on the opposite end of the call for once. Eventually, a woman's voice echoed down the phone. "I need an ambulance, my partner's overdosed on paracetamol. I don't know how long he's been like this. Yes, he's conscious, but barely. Thank you."

Nico hung up the phone and placed it down next to him, kneeling up slightly to grab a washcloth and douse it in cold water. After ringing it out, he folded it neatly and placed it on Levi's head, trying to cool him slightly. He was thankful that he was able to keep a calm facade in front of Levi. God knows what would happen if he fell apart in front of him. 

"You're going to be okay, babe. We're going to get you sorted. Levi, can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?" Nico grabbed Levi's hand in his own, letting out a brief-lived sigh of relief when he felt Levi weakly squeeze his hand. "That's good, just stay awake. They'll be here shortly, I promise." 

-

"We have a patient coming in, he has overdosed on paracetamol. The caller was unsure as to how long he was undiscovered for or how much he had taken. Can we get all the equipment needed to treat this patient as soon as he is through those doors, thank you." Dr. Hunt called out, alerting all those helping with the patient to get ready. He and a small team made their way to the ambulance bay, ready to meet the paramedics and patient as soon as they arrived. 

The ambulance parked up in the ambulance bay and the doors swung open, revealing Nico and Levi, who was completely still as he lay on the gurney. Nico jumped straight out, meeting the gaze of many of his fellow team members. 

"Nico, what the hell- Is that Schmitt?!" Dr. Hunt exclaimed, his concern rising more than it would for any other patient he received. He knew these two personally and now everything the team did was so much more personal. The small team surrounding them were already beginning to murmur. 

"Yes, it is. I found him in the bathroom, slumped against the bath. His pulse was weak and he was burning up real bad. I don't know how much he took, I'm just hoping I found him in time." Nico stayed directly by Levi's side as they wheeled him in through the doors, refusing to leave his side. As soon as they got him in the free bay, doctors gathered around him and began working straight away. Nico had to take a step back and watch on helplessly as they worked on Levi, shouting things at each other. It was all a massive rush to Nico and now that the adrenaline had died down, he felt a little woozy. 

"Nico, what the hell happened here?" A familiar voice echoed from behind him, catching his attention. He turned to see Link, who greeted him with a comforting hug. They both turned their attention back to the crowd surrounding Levi. 

"He tried to kill himself, I don't even know why. I feel so guilty, like it's all my fault. Why didn't I realize sooner that something was wrong?" Nico anxiously chewed at his bottom lip, tapping his foot as he waited. 

"Depression is silent, Nico. This isn't something you could have prevented. It isn't something you could have stopped. The only thing you can do is support him and get him help. He won't ever be truly cured of depression, it follows you like a rain cloud. You need to understand that." Link managed to pry Nico away from the upsetting scene in front of him, taking him to the cafeteria where they could get something to eat and drink whilst they waited for news. 

Nico was sat at the table, the low chatter of the people around him keeping him company. Link came back with two cups of coffee, one for him and one for Nico. Nico thanked him as Link handed him the cardboard cup, the warmth emulating through the material. Link watched on sadly as Nico seemed to drift off into another world, his thoughts lost somewhere else. He tapped his fingers absent-mindedly against the cup, still chewing on his bottom lip. 

Word had gotten around the staff that one of their own was currently in the ER getting treated. Many people had come to see Nico, to wish the best for Levi. Nico could only smile and nod. Nothing made sense to him anymore. He couldn't figure out why Levi had decided to try end his own life, when just the other day he was smiling and laughing and being  _himself_. 

"Hey," Link chirped up, putting on his best smile. "He's going to pull through."

"I really hope so. I feel so lost, I don't know what to do." Nico sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. His gaze was still elsewhere. Link put it down to Nico trying to prevent himself from getting too emotional. 

"Do you want me to find out if we can see him soon?" Nico seemed to perk up at the idea and Link was quick to search for his phone in his pockets. He unlocked it and texted Owen to see whether Levi was well enough to now visit. Once he was done, he locked his phone and placed it on the table in front of him. "I'm sure he's going to be fine, you found him whilst he was still conscious."

"Even so, the worry still lingers in the back of my head. What if I wasn't quick enough?" Nico slouched back in his chair, sipping at his coffee yet again. Link let out a quiet sigh as he also sipped at his hot drink, waiting for his phone to buzz. Just as he was about to grab it, it buzzed. Nico's attention went straight to the phone. Link picked it up and read the text.

"Can we see him? Is he okay?" Nico questioned, the words rushing out of his mouth before he even had time to think about it. Link seemed to let out a relieved sigh as he glanced back up at Nico, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

"Owen says he fine, that he's started to come around. You actually managed to get to him pretty quick, no damage seems to have been done. We can go see him now if you want?" Nico was practically out his seat as soon as Link finished his sentence. The two of them rushed off together to go and find where Levi was being kept. 

Link stopped Nico before he rushed into the room without any introduction. He let Nico calm himself for a minute before Nico opened the door, entering the room where Levi was staying. It looked awful to see him hooked up to so many machines but at least he was alive. At least he was still here with Nico. 

Dr. Hunt was also in the room, checking over Schmitt's charts when Nico entered. He smiled at his fellow doctor, turning to face him. Nico made his way in, Link staying outside and closing the door quietly once Nico had entered. He went straight over to Hunt to hear what he had to say about Levi's health. 

"How is he?" Nico kept his voice low, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket. Levi looked peaceful where he laid, despite the events that had previously occurred. 

"He's actually really well. You caught him quick. You saved his life, Nico. You should be so proud of yourself," Dr. Hunt placed a hand on Nico's shoulder, congratulating him on being so vigilant when it came to keeping Levi awake. "There shouldn't be any lasting damage, he's currently very exhausted so just be gentle with him."

"Thank you, Dr. Hunt. I appreciate it." Nico thanked Owen, moving to sit down on the chair next to the hospital bed. Owen soon left the room to leave the two alone together. Nico gently took Levi's hand in his own, being cautious of the wires attached to him. He rubbed his thumb over Levi's knuckles, letting out a long, relieved sigh. Nico never realized how comforting the constant beeping of the heart monitor could be. It let him know that Levi was still alive and with him, even if it didn't always seem like it. 

Levi began to stir not long after Nico entered the room. Nico waited patiently as Levi came to terms with where he was and what had happened. He continued to rub his thumb over Levi's knuckles to help with keeping him calm. After a little while, Levi was mostly awake, yet still a little groggy. He tried to sit himself up, only to have Nico put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Hey," Nico whispered, squeezing Levi's hand softly. "Stay laying down, it'll be better."

"Where am I?" Levi asked, his voice hoarse and weak. 

"At the hospital. Do you remember why you're here?" Nico asked, scootching his chair closer to the bed. Levi was quiet for a moment, his brows knitted together in thought as he looked around the room. 

"I tried to kill myself, didn't I?" Levi coughed a little after he finished speaking, his throat dry and achy. Nico helped him sit up a little so he could hand him some water and he could have a sip to rehydrate himself.

"Yeah, you did. Scared the crap out of me, too." Nico let out a pained chuckle, moving himself so he was now perched on the edge of the hospital bed. He took the plastic cup from Levi once he was done and returned it to a small table near the bed. He rested his hand on Levi's leg, patting it gently.

"Sorry," Levi managed to force out, still rather sleepy. He was drifting in and out of sleep. 

"Don't apologize, you have no reason. I'm just so glad you're okay." Nico could feel himself beginning to tear up as he talked to Levi, the memories of finding him coming flooding back all of a sudden. He could have easily lost Levi today, had he not come home when he did. Nothing was more painful than the thought of losing Levi, it terrified Nico. 

-

Levi was his usual chatty self just a few hours later. It really baffled Nico how he could go from one extreme to another. He much preferred to see Levi his usual joyous self. Even so, he would stick by Levi's side no matter what happened in the future. Levi had been prescribed a course of antidepressants, though he really didn't want to take them. He felt like he didn't need them, nor did he want to rely on medication. Nico explained to him how it wasn't a bad thing that he needed to take medication to help with his depression. Even so, Levi opted for a more natural approach before trying antidepressents. He promised Nico that every week he would see a therapist.

"God, I am starving!" Levi complained, holding his hands against his stomach. Nico chuckled and searched through the pockets of his jacket, pulling a small chocolate bar from his pocket. Link had given it to him earlier, but Nico had no appetite. Levi's eyes lit up at the snack. "Please let me have it."

"Hmm, maybe," Nico sat down next to Levi on the bed. Levi was now sat up properly, his legs crossed in front of him. He had already asked about leaving to go home. As much as he loved working in the hospital, he hated staying there. Levi pouted and he tried to reach for the chocolate bar, only to have Nico hold it too far out of reach. "I will give it to you, only if you give me a kiss."

"Seems like a fair exchange to me." Levi grinned widely, reaching out to grab Nico by the collar of his shirt, dragging him closer so their lips could meet. They shared a sweet, short kiss, both incredibly happy that they had each other. Levi pulled back from the kiss to smile at Nico, before reaching and grabbing the chocolate bar, which was now in reach. It happened so quick that Nico didn't even have time to react. 

"You tricked me!" Nico fake exclaimed, acting as if the action had just greatly offended him. Levi stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend as he opened the snack. 

"Not really, I gave you a kiss, so I got to have the delicious food you promised me." Levi could be so undeniably cheeky sometimes, but it was one of the many things Nico absolutely adored about him. 

"So, I was thinking about earlier. I know you probably don't want to talk about it too much, but sooner or later we have to address it. I would rather it be now than later." Nico's smiley demeanor melted into one more serious. Levi nodded slowly, contently chomping away on the chocolate. 

"Just know that it wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself." Levi took a break from eating to speak, only to go straight back to the chocolate right after he was done talking. Nico pursed his lips together and let out a short sigh. 

"Even so, I want to know why you thought it would be better that you... you died, rather than talking to someone about it." Levi could tell it was distressing for Nico to talk about. He could tell how badly what he had done had affected his boyfriend. With a hushed sigh, Levi shuffled himself so that Nico could comfortably lay down next to him.

"I'll let you into a little secret I discovered earlier today," Levi shuffled down in the bed, resting his head on Nico's chest, silently listening to his steady breathing. "I wanted so badly to just give up. Then I took the pills and suddenly, all my problems seemed like nothing. They all had ways they could be fixed. In that moment, I wanted anything but death. I was so terrified that I would die. I thought about you, my job, the things I could achieve and the things I could do with you."

"Why didn't you come and tell me what you had done?" Nico furrowed his brows a little, using one of his hands to comb his fingers through Levi's hair. 

"I couldn't. Everything went numb, so I just sat down and accepted the fact I screwed up and that I was going to die. I tried calling out for you, but I don't even think I had the strength to do that."

Nico swallowed. "Please, don't ever do it again. If you ever feel like that again, come and tell me. I can try and help the feeling pass. I can stay with you as long as you need me too."

"Thank you, Nico. I promise I'll come to you if this feeling ever comes back." Levi rested a hand on Nico's stomach, using one of his fingers to slowly trace patterns into the fabric of Nico's shirt. 

"If you ever do this again, I swear I'll kill you." Nico pressed his lips against Levi's forehead in a subtle kiss. Levi let out a short chuckle. 

"Kind of defeats the point, doesn't it?" Levi muttered. 

"Still. I love you too much to lose you. Almost losing someone feels like you're losing yourself. I can't go through that again." Nico's voice was practically a whisper as he spoke. Levi stopped tracing patterns with his finger, letting it rest as he took in a deep breath. 

"You won't have to."

"Good."

-

A half-naked toddler ran through Nico and Levi's apartment, screaming as she ran. Levi followed close behind her, running low behind her. Nico watched fondly from the couch as the two played together, chasing one another up and down the room. Eventually, Levi caught the cheeky toddler and scooped her up. Her giggles filled the room as Levi rested her on his hip. 

"I told you that you'd be fine with kids. She's cute, huh?" Nico rested his arms on the back of his couch, his chin rested upon his arms. Levi shrugged a little, a proud grin tugging at the corner of his lips as he made his way over to Nico. 

"I guess she's okay," Levi turned his attention to the toddler in his arms. "She sure is cheeky though."

"Seems to run in the family then," Nico pushed himself up from the couch and walked around to meet Levi, snaking an arm around his waist to tug him closer. "My sister will be here in an hour to pick her up. Make the most of the time you have left with her."

Levi pouted, to which the toddler copied him. Nico couldn't stop the grin from spreading over his face. "See, she doesn't want to leave either. I think we may have to steal her." 

"Not a chance," Nico laughed, leaning down to press a short, sweet kiss to Levi's lips. Levi had never felt so content in his life before. The toddler rested on Levi's hips began to get restless. Levi put her down and she instantly ran to go and sit with her toys in front of the TV. "You know, I've been doing some thinking."

"Yeah?" Levi turned to face Nico some more, resting his arms over his shoulders. Nico placed his hands on Levi's waist, tugging him even closer than before. "What about?"

"You've been so good with little Anya all day, and you look so happy with her, I was just thinking that one day, perhaps we could have one of our own?" The bashful grin Nico wore whilst talking only pulled Levi in more to the idea. "I mean, you look great with kids. I don't think I've ever seen you smile so wide."

"I don't think that's such a bad idea, perhaps in the future, it could be a possibility." Nico's smile went from ear to ear at Levi's response and he couldn't help but kiss Levi again, completely whipped. Levi made him feel things that no one else could ever make him feel. 

Little Anya's playful (and very loud) singing interrupted their moment, as neither of them could contain their laughter. She was so content just sat in front of the TV playing with her toys. She was happily smacking two brightly colored bricks together, creating quite a racket as she did so. Nico's phone buzzed in his back pocket, so he reached back to get it. Levi took the opportunity to go join Anya with her toys. Nico answered his phone, turning his back to the two so he could hear a little better. 

" _I'm going to be late, can you look after Anya for a little bit longer?_ "Nico's sister spoke straight as he answered the phone, not even giving him enough time to say hello. 

"Sure. Levi's having the time of his life with her right now." Nico chuckled down the phone, glancing over his shoulder to look at the two mischevious characters playing with the toys. 

" _Did you ask him about having one of your own?_ " His sister rushed out, her tone full of excitement and hope. Nico couldn't stop himself from smiling. 

"I did, he seemed open to the idea. However, I think there is one more thing I'd want to do before that. That stays a secret, though." His sister sighed deeply on the other end of the line, disappointed that Nico wouldn't tell her what he wanted to do. To him, it seemed obvious. 

" _God, you two are ridiculous. I better be maid of honor at your wedding, or else. Right, I'm super busy so I'll see you later. Bye!_ " She hung up the phone before Nico could wish her goodbye, but that was his sister. Always busy and always in a rush.

"What was that about?" Levi piped up from where he was sat. Nico made his way over to where the two others were sat, sitting himself on the couch with a small grunt. 

"We have to look after the little monster for a bit longer. Hope that's okay." Nico relaxed back into the couch, stretching his arms above his head as he let out a small groan. Anya was still smacking her bricks together and screaming with all her little might. Then, out of no where, she decided it would be fun to use one of the bricks as a hammer. The project she was working on just so happened to be Levi's hand. With all her might, she slammed the small toy brick down onto Levi's hand. 

"Ouch!" Levi excalimed, tugging his hand away from the source of pain. Anya giggled excitedly and tried to do it again, only to have Levi grab her and tickle her. She screamed at him to stop and she tried her best to wiggle from his grip, but her efforts failed.

Over the next few hours, Anya cried, she slept, she ate and she pooped. Every time, levi was the first to jump in and sort her. He had found a strange love for kids. He also discovered that he was really good with interacting with them. Perhaps it was because he was rather childish himself. Nico was always there by his side in case he needed any assisstance. The time came for Anya to finally go back to her mother, who she was more than happy to see. Nico's sister thanked them profusely for looking after her, but they didn't mind at all. In fact, they found it rather fun. They could finally relax now that they were alone. 

As the night grew on, they both climbed into bed together, snuggled under the covers. Levi was cuddled right into Nico's side, his head resting on his chest. Nico's hand ran through Levi's hair, almost lulling him to sleep. 

"You still awake?" Nico mumbled, getting a tired hum in response from his partner. "Can I ask you something?"

"I'm trying to sleep, Nico." Levi groaned, rubbing his eyes as he opened them, turning his attention to Nico. 

"I know, but it's important." Nico argued back, shifting both himself and Levi so that he hovered over top of him, Levi laying beneath him. Levi honestly looked exhausted, but Nico still found him extrodinarily beautiful. 

"If it's not important, I will murder you in your sleep." Levi muttered, staring up at the man he loved. Nico chuckled, shifting his weight on his elbows to get more comfortable.

"You've come along way since last year. You've had your ups and your downs. I've seen you at your worst and your best, yet you still never fail to amaze me. You continue to smile and laugh, no matter how your day is going. This time last year, you were in hospital, hooked up to what seemed like a million and one machines," The memory still sent chills up his spine. He still feared that he would find Levi like that again, but he would be too late. "I know that I love you more than anything in this world. When I first met you, I never thought we;d both be here now, cuddled up together in an apartment we share."

"Don't get all sappy on me now, Mr. Kim. I'm tired and highly emotional." Levi joked, his smile strecthing from ear to ear. Nico rolled his eyes playfully and took a deep breath before continuing on with his small rant. 

"I have known that you were special since that day in the OR. Everyday, I'm scared that I'll come close to losing you again. But everday, I see how much stronger you get. Everday you get a little bit better. Levi, I have never been sure on what I want in life," Nico took a moment to stop, his gaze fixed on Levi, who looked sightly confused but also highly intrigued. "But I am sure that I don't want to give you up."

"It sounds like you're trying to propose to me."

"I'm certainly not against the idea of marrying you." Nico was quick to retort back, taking Levi by surprise. Levi shifted himself so he was sat straight up, legs crossed in front of him and hands rested in his lap. Nico stayed as he was. 

"Wait, Nico, are you really trying to ask me to marry you right now?" Levi raised a brow, almost in shock. 

"I guess I am. I've never been the best with words," Nico grinned, sitting himself up slightly more than he already was. Levi let out a breathy laugh and dipped his head a little, trying to hide the stupid love-struck grin that covered his face. "I know it's not super romantic of me to ask you like this, but I just couldn't wait any longer."

"Nico, even if you asked me whilst we were in the middle of a surgery together, I would still say yes, a million times over," Levi was all smiles as Nico grabbed the fabric of Levi's shirt and dragged him down, their lips meeting together in the middle. Levi's hands automatically came to rest upon Nico's cheek, cupping them every so gently. The kiss was short, but was so full of love and want that neither of them minded. "This is the best thing to ever happen to me."

"Even better than getting the sunsword?"

"Even better than getting the sunsword."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did this justice. I hope it wasn't too cliche and I hope you enjoyed it. Again, you are loved and wanted. You are not a burden, you are not wasting peoples time. Mental health is a serious issue that needs to be talked about more. Mental health is a deadly illness and can be completely silent. I am here for you if any of you ever want to message me. I have a tumblr, which you can message me on. Never be afraid to reach out for help. Don't be ashamed to get help or medication if you need it. Treat yourself well and look after yourself. 
> 
> Also, my sister called me a nerd because I did a Levi and ranted about the best sword in my favorite game, which is Skyrim. Still one of my favorite games, almost a decade after it's release. Shall I be honored to be called a nerd or offended? 
> 
> I love you all, thank you so much for reading my stuff and supporting me. 
> 
> Miss S x


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